It has been a long time since I wrote on my blog, I have missed it but time and life have caused the major lack of activity!
Life has not been great over the past 3 months. Training was going well pre Christmas, I actually enjoy the cold runs more than the summer (I know I’m weird!) and getting the pool, run and bike time juggle seemed to be working with all the balls in the air including work and family. But then it happened!
My dad was taken into hospital on the 3rd January with an expected appendicitis. No real biggy people have them all the time so life continues for us and planning to visit when he was home seemed the best option. A week later dad had to have a second operation and then a further week later on the 20th January he died in intensive care from Sepsis and pneumonia!
I had made the trip up to visit him in hospital after the second op and with a call from mum while I was at work when he had the 3rd my bag was packed and I was on my way to the hospital in Swindon. Even at that point when mum had said that we needed to come it all seemed a little surreal. He had been complaining the weekend before about the food, beds and noise and the question of how did it get to here is still one I cannot grasp.
Seeing you dad in ICU wired to every machine possible and being told that he would not make the night was an odd experience. Trying to process it all, support mum and my sister seemed to take me into auto pilot. So we sat, talked and stayed with him until at 5am when he died. Sat in my mum’s kitchen at 7am nothing seemed right, we all felt numb and just spent the day crying and drinking tea shut off from the world.
I had heard that running was some peoples medicine from lots of different sources, I have always used it as a stress buster and great thinking time but it now became my time to think, prepare and step out of what was going on. In the first 5 days post dad dying I turned to running to get out of the house. People don’t stop to say they are sorry when you are running, or ask questions. It was my time where I didn’t need to worry about others, well not for most of the run!
Dad had a dog, poor Bessie didn’t know what hit her! Her daily walks with dad around the town had suddenly changed to 5, 8, 10k runs! She took it in her stride and I have to say was a perfect running companion, I didn’t need to make small talk, was happy to go whenever and happy to do what I wanted to do.
I found running my solstice with lots to organise and sort for mum. Running gave me clarity and time to think. I would like to say it was great training but time, distance and pace became irrelevant. I ran for as long as I needed at the speed I wanted. No plans, no music, no goals.
So it’s now the End of March. Dad was buried on the 10th February with snow falling in the Cemetery. Life is slowly returning to normal. The visits to see mum have reduced from a weekly to fortnightly, I worked pretty much though it all but it’s now back at full speed! And as many of the poems I have read lately to find one for the funeral. Life outside continues. Life outside does continue and I still feel at times it’s happening around me and to me rather than with me but normality is beginning to return.
Life must be returning to normality, I have begun to look at races, I have even raced one! But I find myself continually thinking and being reminded of things. I’m sure this will be the same always from now one but this seems to happen more when I’m running. I think of my friends and wife who live and work in stressful lives and I tell them of my prescription, it costs very little, doesn’t involve waiting lists, drugs or fancy machines just a pair of trainers and some space.
So where do you go on your runs? I’m on about in your mind…… The journey is better than the end in that race but sadly there is no medal or strava segment for the solutions and clarity gained while running but it helps me remove the fog and return clarity in my mind.
I’m not a GP but I have an idea that will help save the NHS millions! #PrescriptionRuns